One second, one movie, one line made me feel the whole one year of pain. Call me “emo” or “bitter” or asshole, But this is how I feel, I really feel nothing at all but then reminding him could shut me down instantly. No warnings that there would be tears falling from my eyes once I remember him. Everything about him…
How I wish something hit me, my head maybe… so I could forget that 6 years of happiness that He just threw away.
I wish I could forget his very nice killing line when I asked him if he still love me.
" Lam mo leli, kahit pakasalan kita iiwan pa din kita"
Somebody take away me memory!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes we ask ourselves, how does it feel to be alone, to be free, to be independent? How does it feel to live your life in your own? Sometimes we wish we could live far away form our family, far from our home so we could start something new or we could whatever we want because nobody would care for what the fuck you will going to do at night. Sometimes we push ourselves to be the best fighter in this world. We fight for our freedom, we fight for our beliefs and we fight for our choices. Because we think we could be happy for proving that we can be something… but truth is.. you will wont be.
I remember, 3 years ago I was broke, unhappy, and feeling failed. For whatever reason I just felt I’m not doing the right things for my life. I just resigned from being graphic artist then I became a teacher but being a teacher is not that easy because being coll is not enough and I cant agree with those people who cant understand the simplicity of life. So we just agree and disagree. Then they kick me out. I was broke, my ex bf is not working well with me (like breaking up with me as always) and then I find myself as drunking master for 1 week. Until a friend of mine, told me to watch this movie because I was like the main character in the film. So I search it and download it. It was 500 days of summer. I check the preview, and yeah maybe the girl (summer) have the same hairstyle with me and the way she dress maybe… so as I watched the film, I was confused. After the movie I realized I’m not the girl in the movie, I am the guy (tom) who was hopeless romantic and believe that he could be happy until he met the one. to make the story short. That time, I was totally Tom, broke, drunk and hater a little bit of bitter about couples. All those things he did was familliar with me and my friend texted me. You are Tom, thats why you need watch it. So get up from your bed and find a new job… and start a new life.
So here I am…. new life. NIce job, though its hard but still I could smile in the end of the day. I live far away from my family, my home. I could do everything I want. I’m independent, I’m a fearless bitch and I’m single racing in this track of my career path as an artist. But am I really happy??
The answer is no. Im not really happy. Because sometimes I missed my family badly. I go home from a very tiring day, and I just find myself alone in the 4 corner. No one ask me “how is your day?” I have friends but no one is there for me If I’m in really need of comfort. I dont have someone… and still I’m waiting patiently for this someone whom I dont know is he real or not. Maybe he is an alien, who live in a unknown planet or maybe he is just a soul..searching for me too. Maybe love is just really a fantasy for me… or maybe this love is not for me, it is not my thing… maybe.
As you see, I dont believe that Single woman is really happy with their lives. They say, they dont need a man, Actually I said that. IIts true that there are woman who dont need a man, because there are women who can take care of themeselves, who could fight for their protection who could lift heavy things without some guys help. But trust me, in the end of the day, Single ladies need love, not just a guy with penis and muscles but love from a true, honest and real guy. Am I making sense here, that wuld be I dont know. because Im just typing and typing for whatever my brain is telling.
Ah me! I dont know, I wanted to be happy… hope one day.
I just watched 50 first date for the 5th times and still I feel its my first time. HHAHa
Tears from my eyes, smile, and wish I hope somebody could be adam sandler for me, who will never get tired of me. Making me fall inlove with him everyday. Funny but true, everybody want a guy like him, a guy who’s willing to give up everything just to be with her and love her, without assurance she will love her back again.
I maybe stupid as you people think, by now I think it’s 1990’s again… me here in my room… watching romantic/comedy films and falling inlove…
Tonight I will look up in the night sky and again wish for a thousand times, talking to the moon, yes Im such a hopeless romantic shithead girl! oh well all I just wish is someday we will find each other and we will watch this movie together on our bed… then on the next years it would be with our kids… then after a decade it would be with our grandchildren then after some many years.. this movie would be the last thing our eyes will see aside for ourselves. Then after the ending..as our breath last… we will kiss like it is our first kiss then we will die together.
But for now…somebody slap me, and tell me to work on with my office project!!! hahaha